so life is life. we all know that. after the last few weeks I have been debating whether or not to date again. yes I still have my dream wedding in my head and have it all planned out. But I am tired of being let down. i am tired of being with the wrong guys. why is it that all of the right guys are not the ones that I am attracted to? I met this guy 8 years ago. Was not exactly best friends with him but had the "Check Yes or No" kind of love you could say. We met when I was 12 and he was almost 14. I never thought that I would ever see him again even after 8 years. Then one night on Myspace he sends me a message and I talked to him. Then he asked for my number so I sent it to him. Then he texted me and then a week later we were hanging out. Found out he had been with this girl for 6 years and married to her for 3. And has a 2 year old and 4 year old daughter. He loves them with all his heart. He would do anything for them. He still loves his ex wife. Which is honestly understandable. But he refuses to move on. Even though she cheated on him for the full 6 years and is pregnant now with another guy's kid, he refuses to move on even though she has.
Now he just wants to be friends with benefits, and I can't do that. I have tried. It is not working out. I am not going to do it again. I am tired of doing this with guy after guy. I am so sick and tired of it all. Of course I love him. I do have a tendency of falling in love too fast, but that is not the case in this ex. I have loved him since I was 12. He is the guy that i always thought I would be with til I would die. He is amazing, but he is being a major pain in the my butt right now. Screwing around with other girls, understandable we are not together, but I have not slept with anyone since we broke up. I am still holding out for him.
My biggest mistake is giving him what he wants. Now I am turning it down. i have a lot going on right now with my body and have no clue what is going to happen. Only thing I know is if anything i know I don't have his shoulder to lean on or his arms to have around me. But that is okay. I am use to this. I can do this on my own. I will not continue to cry over him. The past is the past. He can screw all these chicks and break all of their hearts. i love him but he can do this. It will hurt him in the end he just doesn't see it or understand it yet. Breaking hearts is something he likes to do. But then again he says he loves me and that he doesn't want to break my heart. That he is sorry he lead me on. That I deserve better and I can do better than him. That he just wants to have fun and that he has been tied down for the last 6 years and that he just wants to have fun and that he is not ready for another commitment. I understand that. Neither am I, I just want a guy that will be there for me when I need him. A guy that will hold on to me and not tell me to just walk away and quit acting like at witchy witch.
I love him. But I am sooo use to having this kind of broken heart. Many times I have loved a guy and they break my heart. I am sooo use to it by now.
This one is not going to be easy just like the other ones were not easy. But I am ready to let go and move on.
Move on with my life. No more dating I'm just waiting like sleeping beauty my prince will come for me he'll come for me. No more dating I'm just waiting, God is writing my love story my love story. (Barlow Girl-Average Girl)
GOOD SONG!
So what I'm not your average girl
I don't meet the standards of this world
Chasing after boys is not my thing
See I'm waiting for a wedding ring
No more dating
I'm just waiting
Like sleeping beauty
My prince will come for me
No more dating I'm just waiting
'Cause God is writing my love story
Boys are bad that's certainly not true
'Cause God's preparing one for you
If you get tired waiting till he comes
Gods arms are the perfect place to run
Sleep that's the only thing
For me 'cause when I sleep Gods
Preparing one for me
About Me
- KT
- I was born in the loving place of Eugene, Oregon on February 13th, 1990 to Glenda and Calvin Jones. I grew up a tomboy and was a daddy's girl and mama's little angel. Sooner than I knew, they were filing for divorce and I was on my way to Homedale, Idaho with my Mom. We moved here and my mom got tired of it so we moved back to Medford, Oregon and she ran into her old flame Mike Lucero they married. Soon, they had a little boy, Cole Lucero, my sweet eleven-year old brother, whom I love dearly. In the same year Cole was born 1998, we decided to move from Medford, Oregon to Homedale again where I went to school for seven years and then we moved to Caldwell and I transferred schools to Vallivue High School. Now, over the last two years I have done a lot and have learned a lot and it has paid off. I went to George Fox University in Newberg, OR for a year and a half and now then I moved back to Idaho and now I am in Arkansas... just at a dead end until I hit the freeway for Nashville TN!!!
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