We all have our ups and downs. Lord knows I have mine all the time. I have done bad things in my past. Yes, I do regret plenty of them. I have learned from some of them and many of them I need to work on. I have managed to maintain so far 3 jobs and school and juggling not having a complete social life. I understand that life is not perfect. I understand that many people are similar and different then me in many many ways. Throughout my life I have come to understand that even in bad relationships and bad friendships you can find the good and move on with life. Cause life very well moves on.
I have struggled and still do at times like tonight, thinking and wondering if being here at Fox is right for me. I have some really good friends. Kristen has been there for me through thick and thin, and John is always there for me when I need him. Willie Stoffer is a man of his words and always there when I need him as well. I am grateful for the ones that I have in my life. Kim is always there too even though she has struggles herself we are all alike in many ways and believe it or not we are all related in one way or another.
In my past two relationships I have managed to understand that I do have issues. Wow, do I have issues. Struggling with communication skills (I talk all the time) but do I listen? Not always. Do I respect what they other people have to say, no not all the time, I am stubborn in many many ways and I am pain in everyone's behind. But I do understand where they are both coming from.
Self-control is a big issue that I have and sooo is trust. If you don't have either you are not who you say you are. I have learned that with the last two guys I dated that you can't always be right. That sometimes you have to stand up and admit that you are wrong. Right now, a friend just wrote me to let me know that I am under attack. I am by the Devil, I see that he wants me to fail, God wants me to stand up and rise above all this and ask him for his help. I have asked him many many times, when the time is right he will give me an answer, I can't beg for it or plead for it. If it happens it happens. My Mom told me two years ago, let go and if it's meant to be it will get better and things will start to happen for the best. Two years later as of last week I have been reconnected with an ex of mine, we had our arguments and mishaps in high school and we are slowly getting on the good side of one another. Not talking about the past, but merely focusing on the future.
God is in control. I need to keep telling myself that. (something I am still struggling with) I have many bad habits that right now are helping me deal with stress. Many of which I need to tell myself to quit doing. Staying up into the wee hours of the morning and sleep depriving myself, wearing myself down, people have told me that I am going to burn out by midterm and right now I would have to say they are right. So that is where I am going to end tonight so I can go to sleep.
Long day ahead of classes and work. Maybe I can throw a nap into my day somewhere. I have a goal and I am sticking to it. I have dreams and I want to live them. I don't need this drama, or this chaoticness in my life. I need myself. I need God. And with this I end you with a quote:
"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game" -The Cinderella Story
I have goals, when the devil pitches you a ball take the strike and hit the home run when God throws the ball. And don't quit playing the game, play God's way. Sorry for all the bipolarness, I was just diagnosed with it last week. Gonna be getting on new meds here shortly, needing to take care of a medical bill first in order to get back to the doctor and get the problem solved. I am sorry for all the mishaps and the troubles. Things will get better. GOD IS IN CONTROL!
I pray for my friend Amanda Andaverde right now. Girl life will get better. I love you and things will get better for you. You are strong. We both are we can get through all this pain that is in our way and we can rise up on top! I love you Amanda you hang in there girlfriend. I miss you! Love you tons! xoxo
PS: KRISTEN I LOVE YOU TOO! =)
About Me
- KT
- I was born in the loving place of Eugene, Oregon on February 13th, 1990 to Glenda and Calvin Jones. I grew up a tomboy and was a daddy's girl and mama's little angel. Sooner than I knew, they were filing for divorce and I was on my way to Homedale, Idaho with my Mom. We moved here and my mom got tired of it so we moved back to Medford, Oregon and she ran into her old flame Mike Lucero they married. Soon, they had a little boy, Cole Lucero, my sweet eleven-year old brother, whom I love dearly. In the same year Cole was born 1998, we decided to move from Medford, Oregon to Homedale again where I went to school for seven years and then we moved to Caldwell and I transferred schools to Vallivue High School. Now, over the last two years I have done a lot and have learned a lot and it has paid off. I went to George Fox University in Newberg, OR for a year and a half and now then I moved back to Idaho and now I am in Arkansas... just at a dead end until I hit the freeway for Nashville TN!!!
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