Should Be...

When you look back on times that were the most important in your life do you think about the times that could have happened? That is a confusing question that I find people asking me everyday. I feel as if people really did see the good and others just simply could not handle it and they chose to walk away. I know many girls and guys struggle with letting go, believe me I am going through a rough spot right now, I have two of my close friends telling me to let it go and suck it up, then I have his best friend telling me to walk away because I am not going to get through the semester living in the past. To be honest with you I am not living in the past, I am simply trying to understand what happened. I do not even know what happened. All I know is that I did something or said something wrong that made this great guy go from "i love yous" to "things just are not working out". I obviously did something is what I am getting from that side of the fence. I really care about him a lot. I got a phone call tonight, from a number I did not recognize, the same person that called me during Christmas break, regarding this guy, why were they so determined to get in touch with me. They found out that I was planning on letting go for good and they were a little upset with me in their message that they left for me on my voicemail. The message said this:
"Katie, this is you know who, heard you were letting go of him, please don't do that, please hang onto him, if he doesn't want to be with you, then we have a lot of talking to do still, so please hang in there with him, don't give up on his just yet, thanks bye."
I was sooo confused after I got that message I had no clue what to even think say or do. I was like do I continue to not text him, chat with him or even talk to him this week. What do I do? I thought about it for awhile and then God answered my question. I hear this voice that is like a determined voice, one that is filled with hope and understanding. This voice tells me Katie he is not feeling the same for you, he lied to you because he is scared to tell you how he really feels. Katie hang on but not all the way you need to cut back on some of the strings that you are holding on to him with. Time to pull back on those reins girl and one day you will let go, but right now I am going to help you, I am going to give you what you need, that guy that you dream about is out there for you, and to be honest with you Katie, he might be the one, but you two need to find that together.
I was shocked over this as well. I had this sudden urge to want to scream this morning after Math class. I was like are you kidding me, is this really happening. What do I do? That is when I got yet another answer this time from a really close friend of mine. He called me and told me that he wanted to share his opinion, he says that things are not going the way I planned. I was like yea totally not going the way I planned. I did not plan for any of this to happen. He said one day at a time babe, do not let one guy get you down, you have done that before to your body and to people around you, you can shut them out and that is what will hurt them in the end, but you are not out to hurt this guy this guy that you love this guy that doesn't understand that he can be better with you than he was last semester. This guy can see you for you and I am sure he has... But you can't avoid him, you are going to see him for crying out loud you have class with him on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It's a small campus babe and you need to understand that you are going to run into each other. Maybe one day when you guys do run into each other the feelings will be back and mutual and the flirting will come naturally and you two will fall right back into each others arms where you left off but you two will be even better, I feel it Katie baby just hang in there.

After the conversation kinda ended with the talk of restarting a broken relationship, the talk of this one guys friend came up. You say you care about him Katie? I replied with yes I do, I care about him sooo much. I care that he has a friend that will say things the mean something, right at the moment it might not sound like it means anything but I do know it means something. Katie do you feel like you need to hate his friend? I responded with no, hate is a strong word, I really don't have a problem with his friend at all. His friend is like a brother figure to me, something that I really did not grow up with since my brothers are grown up and gone. I do have a little brother but that still does not mean I have big brother advice. I do care and respect everything he has said and done, but there were somethings I didn't really need to hear and nowadays I understand and know why he said the things he did. Why he gave his friend (the man of my dreams) this advice. I understand that now, but what do I do now that I know that I have changed? Do I continue to just fight for him, what do I do? That is when my friend spoke up and said it's time Katie to let this man know how you feel. You told him you cared about him you have talked to him face to face wasted some of his good homework time, now you need to patiently wait for him to think about what you said to him and see if he thinks anything into it. If he is a great guy like you say he is he will come around and talk to you. But you need to live life get out and dance, love life and laugh with the girls and even another guy. But you need to take time off from dating. I am a guy and I have tried dating you, but our friendship is way stronger than a relationship could ever be babe and Katie you know that. I love you. I want you to know that I care about you.

All these words and I was lost in love. I had no clue what was going on. This guy that is my friend that is like 3000 miles away from me sees me for me, but at the same time he does not want to be with me because he wants the guy that is just 150 steps away from me to sweep me off my feet. It's so hard to comprehend some of the things that I hear and I acknowledge. The blue eyed boy with sweat pants and a wrestling tshirt with those same old shoes changed his wardrobe just a little. Says that he is over me and has moved on. Is not looking for another relationship right now but is keeping his eyes open. Just how he said that and the tone in his voice, I knew he was lying, cause that night from another person, I heard the truth. And that is why I should be, patiently waiting.